You evil linguist!
by ladymond
Summary: One night while the gang celebrates Sam's visit at a bar, Daniel shares with Jack some very important news.


Written for "Where Are They Now-apaloosa"

**Summary:** One night while the gang celebrates Sam's visit at a bar, Daniel shares with Jack some very important news.  
**Pairing: **Daniel/Vala, mentions of established Jack/Sam  
**Timeline:** After AoT and Continuum  
**Rated**: PG-13/T

**AN: **Not my first Daniel/Vala fic written, but the first one posted. This is an idea that I've had in my mind for a while. Hope you like it.

"Having a baby."

It had been an unlikely confession for a dark smoky bar. Such confessions were out of place in that shady sort of establishment. Now this type of bar was _ideal_for the start of such... predicaments. His thought progression had made him smug, it was clever. Pity no one had listened to it. But just as suddenly as that train of thought had ended, he had came down to reality: the reality of the person sitting in front of him expecting some sort of reaction. Reaction to... a baby?

"Come again?" He had finally asked.

"The answer to your question." Dr. Daniel Jackson clarified indifferently, while he carefully set his glass on the table, perfectly centering it on the coaster before him.

"What question?"

"_What's new with you space monkey?_" Daniel elaborated mimicking Jack O'Neill's voice and inflection."That question."

"A baby?" Jack asked throwing his head back and narrowing his eyes.

"Yep."

It was definitely not what he had expected when was getting ready to hang out with the gang to celebrate Sam's return from the Hammond. He loved the space monkey and everyone else on the team, but couldn't Sam and he had gotten more quality time together? He had acquiesced grudgingly. Carter had been so excited and he would get to spend some time with Daniel and Teal'c, poke fun at Cam, watch Vala's delicious unpredictability disarm his best friend and Sam... Sam was a delight to watch happy, care-free and most of all, earthbound.

It had started with small talk. It couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes since they sat down on a corner table overviewing the pool game that the rest of SG-1 current and former members were enjoying and Daniel had deemed natural to drop that bomb.

Jack crossed his arms and looked intently at his friend, while he balanced his chair back ruminating the news, he noticed Mitchell walking by them with two drinks walking towards the pool table where Sam and Vala waited for him and giggled at something only the two of them seemed to know. On the other side of the table, Teal'c stood holding his pool stick, smiling at the women.

O'Neill quickly moved forward and grabbed Mitchell by the arm to get his attention.

"Two things Colonel: what wacko planet did you go to last month and what happened with the 'not letting Daniel get captured' thing we talked about when I let you in charge of my team?"  
The smile on Cameron's face vanished to give way to confusion and dread. _'I should have expected that'_Daniel thought with annoyance.

"Jack!"

"Daniel."

"Jack."

Having reached an impassé with his friend he turned to Cam who was still trapped by his hand clutching his sleeve.

"Mitchell."

"Leaving." Uttered a flustered Mitchell while taking the opportunity to flee a situation he was sure he'd be better not to be a part of.  
Daniel waited until Cam was out of earshot.

"I'm not the one gestating it!" He said leaning forward to avoid anyone else hearing him.

"We've seen weirder things," Jack offered defensively.

"I knew that it was a stupid idea telling you, but no... _'We should tell them tonight. It's important'_she said."

"And by _we_you mean...?" Jack inquired with a tilt of his head.

"Vala and I," Daniel responded as it was the most natural answer in the world, to what Jack reacted over gesticulating.

He straightened up and looked intently at Daniel and then turned back to look at Vala who was just about to shoot. She noticed the two men looking at her and she winked flirtatiously.  
Jack turned back and smiled widely.

"Well done space monkey! You married the alien babe! Again!"

"We're not married." Daniel replied frowning.

"Okay. Though you should know," he admonished with a pointed finger and tense eyes, "that it is expected to pop the question when you get a girl in trouble. You know, I thought I had raised you better than that. She's carrying the fruit of your loins for chrissake! You've gotten married for less than that!"

The archaeologist's silence spoke volumes.

"Not that it didn't turn out wonderfully," the general attempted some damage control, "before it went south of course... Anyways! Tell me all about it."

"What about?"

Daniel Jackson appeared to be truly befuddled.

"How you and the space pirate got together."

"Oh, we're not together."

"Oh God! I was afraid about this. Okay, Danny boy do I have to give you the talk about the birds and the bees, _again_?"

Jack O'Neill was used to his best friend's passive aggressiveness, but this night was topping the bill. A_nd he wasn't even trying to push his buttons!_ he thought. He was getting too old for this, he might as well play ball. With a frustrated sigh he tried to, what had Carter called it?, oh yeah, _be a good friend and listen._

"Okay, fine. What do you mean y_ou're not together?_"

"We're not."

"You're not going to give me the '_two friends and co-workers'_ line, are you? Because unlike someone else I know who has a _profound _love of leather, I've been in this planet long enough to know it was all baloney."

"No. We're not just _'two friends and co-workers'_," Daniel answered with visible irritation.

"Okay. Progress."

"She's my best friend," he finally offered with a shrug.

"You shut your mouth! I _AM_your best friend."

"Yes you are. But you're not around often."

"I will not carry your spawn Daniel," Jack O'Neill deadpanned.

Daniel remained stoic, with the exception of his jaw tightening.

"She's my best friend in a different way," he offered after a moment.

"That much is obvious," the general interjected mischievously to Daniel's chagrin.

_'Again with the silence'_Jack thought. Time for a different approach.

"Okay. So you know that I'm dumb. Explain how the bundle of joy came to be. Spare no juicy detail. This is where your way with words should pay off! I've earned it after every long presentation of yours I've sat through. So tell me, how did it happen? She got you drunk right? And then she had her wicked way with you, am I right?"

A slight smile betrayed Daniel and it didn't go unnoticed.

"What are you hiding?"

"Well Jack. You're wrong to assume it was an accident."

"You're saying—"

"—It was planned."

"Planned?"

"The baby. It was a... how can I put it? Conscious effort?"

"Your dirty talk must be Scrabble worthy," Jack declared as right before finishing the rest of his scotch.

"Funny."

Jack took no offense and signal their waitress for two more drinks, despite Daniel's glass still being half full.

"Okay, so, let me get this straight, you're not together, not married?"

"Nope."

"Just friends?"

"Yep."

"And you weren't drunk, or under a spell, potion, curse, disease, aliens-made-you-do-it situation; well, aliens besides Vala of course."

"Not at all."

The waitress set the new drinks down and hesitated to take Daniel's old one. Jack made a face and gestured for her to leave it. Once she was gone he addressed his friend once more:

"I hate repeating myself, but please, explain."

"Well. A few months ago. We got stuck in a planet—"

"—Aha!"

"Not that kind of planet," Daniel corrected before downing the rest of his drink in one gulp. He grimaced a bit but continued: "Anyways, Teal'c, Vala and I got trapped in a cave."

"Day at the office for SG-1?"

"Exactly. Anyways, Mitchell went back to get reinforcements to get us out. Long story short we spent a night trapped in the cave and we talked. Teal'c described seeing Rya'c and Kar'yn's baby for the first time and how grateful he was for the blessing of having been a father and now a grandfather."

Jack knew Daniel enough to notice how as his explanation progressed his best friend struggled, his voice was steady as always, but he slowed down as he approached a difficult topic.

"Vala... Vala had one of those rare honesty moments. She talked of Adria, of not getting to hold her. Even after everything, of what she was and how she came to be..."

Daniel was unable to complete the sentence. He lifted the fresh drink and stared at the dark liquid as if it held the answer to something.

"I spoke of Shifu's birth."

He finally said in a low voice. He then proceeded to drink from his scotch slowly grimacing at the bitterness as he settled the glass down.

"Anyways... Without planning it," Daniel leaned back and moved his hands in the air to play down the severity of his words, "we both expressed our regret at not having had the opportunity to have a child. Teal'c was silent for a moment and then, he just said _'Perhaps you two should think about producing offspring together.'_We were shocked, at least I was. "

"You don't say. That sneaky Jaffa."

Daniel smiled almost imperceptibly and with a sigh he continued:

"Well, after the initial shock, Teal'c mentioned our deep bond, friendly of course."

"Of course."

Jack had agreed innocently, but he found himself surprised at his own unintended sarcasm.

Daniel just stared at him in contempt, but continued nonetheless.

"Anyway, he said that we were both remarkable warriors and that we cared deeply about each other. He said something about our fates being intertwined already. It was a crazy idea, but after a while, it made sense and... We did it."

"In front of Teal'c?!"

"No! We decided that we could share a child. Let's face it, I'm not likely to get a chance to meet someone, fall in love and get married doing what we do, and Vala, well you know Vala. The IOA won't ever let her have a relationship with anyone outside of the program, and I'm not even sure that they'll let her have a relationship with anyone _in_the program. Adoption didn't seem feasible with me not being married and always working, and Vala is not even a citizen. We decided the best thing would be to try to have a child together, as friends of course. I'm worried about the repercussions at work, don't get me wrong. But Vala said it was easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission. Dear God I've been hanging out with her too long for that to have made sense!"

"No one else knows." It was a statement and not a question.

"No. I wanted to wait until it looked like it had worked. No worth going through a paperwork nightmare and Landry's wrath if it wasn't going to take."

Jack looked back to the women playing pool. It was now Sam's turn to shoot and Vala patiently waited leaning slightly against the table. The position highlighted her midsection and, it would have been imperceptible to if you didn't know, but now that he did, he could see an almost invisible swell.

He turned back to look at Daniel and he discovered that he had been looking at the same thing. There was something in his friend's eyes that was new, or perhaps something that was very very old, something he hadn't seen in many years. He was also certain that his friend didn't know about it. Give it to him to find a way to get to this point completely unaware.

"Well. I have to admit that is not what I expected. But I'm happy for you."

Daniel smiled subtly and looked down at the tumblr in his hand and nodded in silence.

They had never been good at the deep stuff, if Jack had to be honest, moments like this scared him. After all, Daniel knew what he meant to him just as well as he did. They needed to focus on something else.

"Shouldn't she be refraining from alcohol? I know she doesn't normally get drunk drunk or have a hangover, but she surely looks buzzed to me right now," he asked pointing at Vala who was doing a goofy dance around Cameron who appeared to have not be taking his defeat well.

"She's not drinking. That, I'm afraid, is purely Vala, and some pregnancy hormones, I imagine," he explained knitting his eyebrows slightly, while looking at Vala down the rest of her clear drink and put the glass down before raising her arms up in sign of victory. "Oh, and her drink? Sprite. I should know, I got it for her."

At that moment Vala noticed the two men looking intently in her direction and handing her pool stick to an annoyed Mitchell she walked towards their table with a slight sway of hips that no one in sight would deem casual.

"General" She said standing next to the table and keeping her hands together behind her.

"Vala" Jack said with smirk looking up to her.

She then turned to Daniel and leaned a bit into his arm.

"Darling."

"Vala." He said in a controlled voice.

"Cute."

"Jack!" Daniel said looking back at the General.

"Daniel," he countered.

"Boys!" Uttered an excited Vala.

"Vala!" The both countered.

"Okay, as interesting as this was, I think I'll go back to pool now, you know that Mitchell's bum is not going to kick itself... _again_."

"We should be getting back to the base now. It's late. You need to sleep," Daniel recommended earning a deep pout from her.

"Not yet Darling! How often do I get to spend time with Samantha? And may I remind you we live in an underground base under a mountain."

"Okay, we can stay another hour," Daniel conceded.

"I would have taken half. Thank you darling!" She said kissing him quickly on the cheek before running back to stand next to Teal'c and bump him on the side with her hip.

"She's _so_your wife."

"What?"

Jack decided to enlighten his best friend using his hand to count his reasons: "She's like your best friend, but not really, openly manipulates you and you are still smiling, and she's carrying your child. Danny boy. You're married."

"Well I wouldn't expect you to understand—"

"—Oh, I understand plenty. And, while we're in the subject. Falling in love again? You can check that one off too. But anyway, tell me about the treatments. Were they bad?"

"Treatments?"

"Yeah, listen. I didn't want to talk about this but Sam says I'm old," he explained shrugging, lifting his open palms and a slight roll of his eyes. "I know, not a revelation. And she says that she's no spring chicken, not that I would think so, really the tone of that woman!—"

"—Jack!"

"Did you have to go to the '_special'_room with an empty cup?"

"Room?"

"Yes, to... debrief yourself, you know? Did they have magazines or videos, or both? Or, can you bring your own material? Wait, don't tell me, three words: Prometheus security video."

"Jack!"

"Man! You see Carter made this recording—"

"Jack!"

"Okay fine. But tell me about the IVF."

"There was no IVF," he explained calmly.

"Okay, then was it ICSI? No, wait, that still requires IVF, it was... what was the name? Carter explained everything to me, DUI! No, that's not right IUI! Yes, the turkey baster thingie right?"

"No! And how do you know all... that?"

"Well, Carter. The conversation about me being old? She wants kids. I'm... not completely against, not completely for it. Anyway, she said 'assisted reproduction' was the way to go. Not that

I think we need to, but she says that even in the best scenario, with her in deep space and me in DC and here, there and everywhere, trying naturally would be impossible. She's a scientist and you know how she likes to control all the variables. And that is why you will tell me about your experience."

"It wasn't IVF, or ah... the turkey baster thingie."

"Okay, I don't follow."

"Ah... Thing in her womb. I put it there, ah, the old-fashioned way? Anywho, fertility treatments require paperwork, therefore the government and the IOA could track it. And also," he then proceeded to count with his fingers, "naquadah in the blood, ascension twice, alien diseases, death by radiation, evil god-conceived prior pregnancy, sarcophagus addiction, etc. our medical histories are difficult to explain, to say the least."

"Okay, that is it space monkey! You're trying to tell me that you knocked her up on the first try? No offense, twice ascended condition aside, you are not a young buck anymore."

"Ah, Jack?"

"Yes?"

Daniel got up and just before leaving for the pool table he grinned and said:

"Who says it worked on the first try?"

"You evil linguist."

_  
There you have it. The idea had been in my mind for a while. I originally wanted to write about them going through it, but it seemed like a multichapter fic, so instead I decided to do it as a conversation with Jack. If anyone is interested on me writing about the actual experience, or if someone wants to brainstorm how they think it went, I'm your girl. Thanks for reading!


End file.
